Joe Kickass aka Captain Crimefighter
Height: 6,3 ft
Weight: 210 lbs
Frustrated by most of today’s hiphop, Joe drops the accessories and takes it back to basics. Brought up by listening to jazz, Joe starts rhyming and producing at a young age. Inspired by the oldskool he constantly chops up dusty records to create headnoddin’ beats. Improvising with the means he has, Joe uses an umbrella and bed covers for a vocal booth and a bunch of shoeboxes for rhymebooks. His ever growing stack of lyrics portrays the world he lives in, in a skillful and often witty manner. When Joe’s hand isn’t holding a pen, it’s holding a pencil. Drawing on any relatively flat surface, his illustration skills develope at the same rate as his beats and rhymes.
He drops a demo tape that gets noticed by Amsterdam based producer team Killing Skills. They start making tracks together to create a full length album for Joe. As they record more tracks, making Joe’s music come alive, something remarkably similar happens to his drawings. How it came to be is not exactely known but, tired of the flat life, three of his creations decide to get physical and add an extra dimension to themselves.
Let me introduce:
Baritone aka The Velvet Bulldozer
height: 6,11 ft
Weight: 429 lbs
Nationality: unknown, probably Swedish or something
The brawn of the group, a friendly giant who makes sure everything remains raw. Allthough he may look like all muscles half of his weight is actually made up by his oddly shaped brain. In this sense one could say he’s also the brains of the operation. Baritone is always cheerful and happy unless somebody gives him reasons not to be, he’s a beast after all.
He’s a well respected jazz fan with a bigger and more secret catalog then Victoria herself. He spends most of his time diggin’ in the basements of moldy old record stores to find quirky and long forgotten pressings. Baritone has vowed never to leave the side of his creator and will often be seen in the studio sharing his knowledge on the art of sampling.
Ralph aka Bucks Funny
Height: 6,5 ft
Weight: 240 lbs
Nationality: He claims Jamaican, but sources have led to believe that this is untrue
Ralph hates carrots but loves the green. He’s the self proclaimed pimp of the outfit. Always making sure he himself and everything around him looks good. Always chasing the ladies, he holds the world record in most served against restraining orders. He claims to have a vast harem of honey-bunnies at his disposal back home.. This, however, has never been verified. Because of his obvious superior hearing abilities, Ralph will often come up with ways to make tracks sound better.
He has a tough-guy attitude but you can tell by his insecurities that he is actually a lovable creature.
To calm his nerves he smokes and drinks a lot, often bringing him in an intoxicated state well before everyone else. His fluffy pink coat covers his many scars from drunken tomfoolery and small bar fights. Two years ago he enrolled in a famous rehab clinic but was kicked out when they caught him brewing and selling moonshine to the other patients.
Weight: not applicable
Nationality: unknown (believed to have derived from ancient spirits thousands of years ago)
Not a lot is known about Two-D. His appearance is similar to that of a ghost. His transition into the three dimensional world has been troublesome to say the least. Whatever went wrong in this process also gave him the power of shape shifting. He can be small enough to fit in your Spiderman lunch box, but also so humongous that he barely fits in an arena.
Because Two-D lacks the ability to communicate verbally, he often seeps into the arrange and shifts kicks and snares around to convey his message. Therefore, you never really see him but he is always there. While you can always rely on his next level skills as a producer, his behavior and mood is as unpredictable as the memory of an old MPC. It is believed that he either doesn’t need sleep or has decided to go on a self-destructive nonstop working rampage out of frustration. He is easily the hardest working creature in showbizz.